Temporary Insanity
by PaperMasque
Summary: Watari may have high tolerance when it comes to the raven-haired detective and his partner in -fighting- crime; But Light and L are driving him and each other up the wall. He'd have to be an angel not to do something about it.
1. Chapter 1

_Temporary Insanity_

_----------_

_A/N; Hello everyone! This obviously is an AU. I tweaked the ages a bit, L and Light are both 18. And obviously, Light isn't a mass murderer._

_Spoilers: Nothing much, L's real name but who doesn't know it by now? :D_

_Disclaimer: I disclaim, disclaim, disclaim! I own nothing but this story and plot. C:_

_Read on, enjoy the ramblings of a fan girl!_

_

* * *

_

_Poke_. "Raito-_kunn_."

"…"

_Poke_. "Raito-_kunnn_."

"…"

_Smirk. JAB!_

_Chairs tip over._

_Arm flails._

_Crash._

_Yank._

… Wait for it..

_CRASH_.

L blinked owlishly above Raito. "Well, I suppose that is one way to get Raito-kun's attention."

"Gah!"

Watari stared at the tangle of limbs on the floor.

"I'm afraid that the chain is making it difficult to maneuver Raito-kun."

"I don't care just _get off_!"

Blink. Creepy smile.

"I didn't mean it that way you pervert!" Raito screeched in a way that would put even Misa to shame.

Ladies and gentlemen, the world's greatest detectives. God save us all.

* * *

_Ring. Ring_.

"_Hello Watari, I was wondering if you were ever going to call. How is everything going with your charges? Still intent on each other's blood?_" the voice chuckled quietly.

"I'm afraid so Hikaru, even chaining them together isn't helping them get along. Why did I think that it would be a good idea again? I just don't know what do to with them at this point."

"_Because you're desperate? And you know, my offer still stands._"

"Yes, they won't like it but.. I just might take you up on that."

"_Let's see, oh, that's strange. It seems as though all of my appointments today had been canceled. It seems as though their insistent fighting is even getting to Matt, Mello, and Near_."

"How do you know it's them?"

"_I would like to say that it's because I know the Whammy boys so well but.. they left a note saying; 'Please fix them before Matt, Near and I think of an elaborate plan that will slowly but surely kill them and then ditch them in a place that no one will ever look.' ... With a rather sinister looking smiley at the end. Well, that certainly is an eloquently put death threat_."

Watari smiled. "Only they would think to do such a thing."

"_Why don't you bring them around, so I could take look at them? I haven't seen Raito and Lawliet in a while_."

"I rather doubt they would like to see you in these circumstances Hikaru. You know first-hand how stubborn these two are. But how does 4 o' clock sound?"

"_That's fine with me, courtesy of the Whammy Trio. I'll see you then Watari_?"

"Of course. I'll see you then."

_Click_.

"I just hope you're ready, old friend."

* * *

Dr. Kouki Hikaru had seen far too many strange things than she cared for.

_Far _too many things.

So seeing her friend dragging, quite literally, two teenagers into her office did not disturb her the least. Not even when she saw that the russet-haired of the said teens was wearing a ridiculous hat with tons of feathers on it; and the raven-haired had with a crooked mustache and the word 'LOSER' on his forehead that looked like it had been drawn with Sharpie.

This, actually, is one of the more normal occurrences she had seen. She didn't know if she should be happy for such a seemingly mundane visit or be very scared that she's actually getting immunized to strangeness.

"Hello Raito, L, Watari. Long time no see."

"Hello Kouki-san." Raito and L obviously did not want to be here. Especially with the ridiculous getup they were currently sporting. The teens turned around simultaneously and showed their displeasure of being here by glaring maliciously at their guardian.

"Hmm, the mustache and the hat really make them a lot less intimidating.' thought the bemused therapist.

To hide her smile, she looked at the files on the two them. There really no need for a file on either of them, since she knew just about everything there was to know about the two trouble makers, and she knew that all the information in fore mentioned files would be fake. They brought them anyway.

As Kira and L, Raito and Lawliet's anonymity was _extremely _important. But she, being one of the few people they trusted outside of Raito's family and Watari, was let in on the secret of their identities. She knew the two exceptionally bright children since they were little kids. Sometimes a little _too _smart for their own good, and a certain incident with the lawn-mower, lemon juice, and a couple of household objects they got their hands on, came to mind. She shuddered, shook away the remenants of the reverie, and braced herself for a long report on each individual.

Raito's file simply read:

Name: Kiyomizu Akito

Age: 18

She blinked and closed it. 'Well, that was the shortest file I've ever read.' L's was slightly longer, but not by much. She sighed when she saw the two genii had turned their glares from Watari to each other, standing as far apart as the 6 foot chain linking them together allowed.

"Please have a seat, you two." Raito gracefully sat on a sofa. Whilst L plopped down on a beanbag chair..

Where he was attempting to sit in his normal crouch.

And failing miserably.

Everyone besides L sweat dropped.

"Raito-kun? … I am need of some assistance, if you don't mind? It seems as though this beanbag chair has taken a fancy to the idea of eating me."

"I'll tell you if I see anyone who could help you L," Raito said snippily.

L proceeded to give Raito the most pitiful look he could manage.

"Alright, I'll help you, just stop looking at me like I killed your puppy."

L blinked. "I did not have a puppy."

Light blew at his bangs in annoyance and helped L onto the sofa. They sat there, with matching scowls.

This exchange made Hikaru all the more amused. It didn't help that they were such ridiculous getup. Now that she was closer she could see that they had inflicted even more damage than she had originally thought.

Underneath the hat, Raito's hair looked slightly singed. L's hair was not in a much better state; it had 5 different colored combs poking out from its snarls. Hikaru didn't want to know what was with that. She really didn't want to know. With these two, it was better not knowing.

…

Who was she fooling, she was dying to know. The stories were always so absolutely hilarious. And from past experiences, she knew that they probably wreaked much, much more chaos in the ongoing war between the two than what appeared.

She turned to Watari and said, "I'm surprised that you got the two of them here. Alive, I mean."

He chuckled, "They wore themselves out with fighting, it didn't take much to drag them out."

She laughed. "Boys, do I even want to know about the- erm.. accessories that you're wearing?"

Their scowls grew darker.

* * *

Raito turned around to see L carrying a huge, hot pink hat with feathers arranged in such a way that it looked as if a very large bird had decided to perch upon it. A very large, color blind bird.

"L, that is the most ridiculous hat I've ever seen," he smirked, "Are you going to wear it?"

"Of course not Raito-kun."

"Then-?"

He dumped it on Raito's head, "It's for you, I have no need for such a flamboyant hat."

"What the hell, L?!"

He reached to yank the hat off when L stopped him.

"Don't take it off just yet, I think Raito-kun looks charming in pink." This statement was rewarded with a punch. And that was reciprocated by a kick to the stomach. A fight commenced and lasted 20 minutes until Raito noticed something.

_The hat was still on his head._

He pulled the hat off.

Or at least tried to. His eyes widened and he tried once more to rid his head of the offensive object.

Nope, the goddamn hat wouldn't budge. His eyes narrowed.

"L. The hat won't come off."

"Hmm.. It seems that way Raito-kun." The detective was crouched on the floor, nonchalantly looking at his fingernails.

Raito took a deep breath.

"Why doesn't the ridiculous hat, which by the way is on my head, COME OFF?!"

L broke out in loud laughter, Raito's face was just too much! He nearly clapped his hands in utter glee. Oh look, he's turning red!

"YOU GLUED THIS THING TO MY HEAD L LAWLIET?!"

L snickered.

Next thing he knew, he was being very personally introduced to Raito's keyboard.

Raito sashayed out of the room with as much dignity he could muster, leaving L with key imprints on his face.

Both boys had only one thought in their minds.

_'Oh, it's on_.'

* * *

So.. That was my first fic..

It **_is _**a series.

-wrings hands nervously-

So tell me what you think!

Questions, suggestions, criticism are all welcome! C:


	2. Chapter 2

HUGE FACE-PALM.

I just noticed..

How the hell did Raito go out of the room..

Leaving L.. IF THEY'RE CHAINED TOGETHER?!

-SOB- I'M SO SORRY. Uhh.. How do we fix this.. OH I KNOW. When they were fighting L went all super ninja and sliced through the chain..? Or we could forget about the chain altogether.. Just wondering did anyone else catch that? Virtual cookie if anyone else did. -waves an apple- Lol.

I also wanted to thank everyone who favorite, reviewed, and alerted by story. You have no idea how happy you made me. C:

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note and its characters. I only own this story and the plot.

* * *

Raito was exhausted.

5 showers, and 2 attempts to just yank it off.

That tree bore no fruit.

_Except that of one Yagami Raito. You, my dear, have flowered into a beacon of flamingness._

His subconscious was unnecessarily cruel.

He stood in front of the mirror and cocked his head.

_Ahahaha, cocked. Get it? _

Uhh.. No.

_Cocked? Nothing?_

I SAID I DIDN'T GET IT.

_You're gay._

SHUT UP!

'I'm telling myself very corny and suggestive jokes. And then telling myself to shut up.. Actually I'm just talking to myself in general. That's not a reason to be worried about being crazy.. Not at all.. Oh my God, this hat is making me crazy! I HAVE TO GET RID OF IT.'

He franticly grabbed scissors and tried to find an angle that would cut the hat off without damaging his hair.

His gorgeous, flawless hair. Just as perfect as the rest of him. He lowered the scissors and stared into the mirror dreamily.

But the hat was obscuring most of his vision, not to mention his hair. The hat. 'All roads lead to Rome, ne?' he thought bitterly as he scowled at the object that dared to get between him and his perfection.

His expression turned into one of determination.

Get rid of hat first, admire perfection later.

'_Good plan.'_ He flashed a smile at his reflection and dove in for the kill. He'll get rid of the-

The scissors bounced off the hat.

That fact was just so irrational he just had to repeat it.

_It bounced off the hat._

What the fuck? Hats aren't supposed to deflect scissors.

At least, normal hat's aren't..

OH MY GOD. THIS HAT IS UNLIKE ANY OTHER. IT DEFIES THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.

Some time later;

L strolled into the room having just wrapped up another case without his _partner _who was currently MIA. He rewarded himself with a plate piled high with cake and was actually pretty happy with himself; his best friend will bound to turn up sooner or later, Raito was a big boy.

He put his cake on the table and was about to sit down when he saw something jerking around in the corner of his eye. He looked over and did a double take. He stood there with wide eyes, completely dumbfounded for once.

L had found Raito just in time to wish that he hadn't.

* * *

There was no amount of preparation that would have well.. _prepared _L for the sight that greet his unsuspecting eyes.

His aforementioned partner had completely lost it. There was no other way to explain it. It was true that Raito had a temper, but usually if anything had been bothering him, he would pick a fight with L and they would beat the crap out of each other until someone collapsed from sheer exhaustion.

That's what _usually _happened. It seems the rules of the game had changed.

Raito was sitting cross-legged on the bed, viciously ripping apart one of Watari's fedora hats. When the hat was apparently destroyed to his liking, he brought out a mini-flamethrower and turned the hat into a charred pile of ashes.

He was muttering to himself [or maybe to the pile of ashes?], "Just because I can't get _the _hat off, won't mean I won't get my revenge!" He let loose maniacal laughter and continued turning the innocent hats into ash.

_Rip. Flame. Laugh._

Then the sequence repeated itself, getting creepier and creepier by the second.

Did L mention that they were _Watari's _hats? Watari who is very skilled with a gun and various forms of martial arts and torture? Very painful torture?

Damn, Raito really lost it.

"R-Ratio-kun?" L asked uncertainly, having no idea what to say to his crazed partner. Fortunately he needn't say a word. _Un_fortunately, Raito whipped around sharply, flamethrower in hand. His eyes narrowed dangerously when they spotted L. His hat, on the other hand, bobbed up and down jovially.

Overall, Raito was not a happy camper.

_Crap_. _He was __**so **__screwed_.

L did what any sensible man would have done; he dove for cover.

Contrary to popular belief, he was only human, damn it.

"WHERE DID YOU GET THE FLAMETHROWER AND WHY ARE YOU WAVING IT LIKE THAT?!"

Raito said nothing and started to advance ever so slowly, a huge smirk on his face and a death grip on the flamethrower. He scurried backwards, the more distance he put between Raito and himself was another percentage added to the slim chance of him getting out of this unscathed.

_Did he say he was screwed? Well he lied. Raito is going to rip his throat out, decapitate him, and then chop his poor body into little pieces. Then he's going to send him to a meat factory where he'll wrapped, packaged, and then sent to America as beef patties._

L was too busy with his internal monologue, he did not see Raito backing him up into a closet. He was shoved in and the door was closed.

He scoffed, "Raito-kun thinks that I can not escape from a broom closet?" as he reached for the doorknob. A closet? Could Raito seriously not think of anything better to hold him in than a _closet? _He did have hands, since Raito did not bother to tie them up, so he could just unlock the door and get out.

Something itched in the back of his mind. There was something about this closet.. Or the door.. Then, his eyes widened in realization. This was the closet door-

_Click._

That locked from the outside.

_Bloody hell._

"Karma's a real bitch isn't it Lawli?" Raito called sounding very pleased with himself and leaving the detective trapped in the closet.

L smirked and took out his phone delicately. It was time for a retaliation.

He scrolled down in his contacts, and finding the person he needed, typed in a simple message;

_I am in need of your assistance._

- _L_

He attached a file and waited.

He needn't wait long. His phone rang almost immediately after the text was sent. He stared at the caller-ID, wondering if this was a step too far.

Then clicked '_accept call_.'

'You're right Raito-kun. Karma _is _a bitch.'

"_Hello?_"

'_And revenge is going to be oh so sweet_.'

* * *

Cliffie! Please don't kill me. D: I apologize for the shortness of the chapter, I'll try to get the next chapter out by next week!

Who is L talking to?

Is Light going to get him out of the closet eventually? [LOLL.]

Do I sound like a commercial?

Why yes I do! That's the only question I'm answering folks, be disappointed!

'Till next time, this has been Akari. -salutes- [I'm so cheesy.. XD]


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys, sorry for the filler chapter last time. Well, it gave you more insight to the characters. C: Plus some plot development! Yayy. Towards the end, sorta. Kinda. Whadd'ya mean no? O: Lol.

Anyhoo, I have a brand new _shiny_ series out called 'Deadly Delusions'. It's not as cracky as TI but it still has humor, go check it out if you like. End shameless self-promotion. xD

**Disclaimer**; I do not own Death Note or any of its characters, no matter how much I love them. D: OH THE UNFAIRNESS OF THE WORLLDD.

* * *

Hikaru raised her eyebrows, taking off her glasses. "Well, that certainly was interesting, boys.. I'll see you next-." Both Raito and L sprinted to the door, clearly glad that the session was over.

"-week."

"If you hadn't glued that hat to my head then this wouldn't of happened!"

"If Raito-kun had not pushed me off the bed _deliberately _every night and _leave _me there then I would not have glued it to Raito-kun's head. Is Raito-kun aware how uncomfortable the floor is?"

"You don't even sleep at night!"

"Raito-kun, I am human and therefore, I do need sleep."

"Uhh.. I didn't mean that you're not human.. Just that uhmm.. This is all your fault!"

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Not."

They were let loose a mere two seconds ago, and they're already at each other's throats. Hikaru sighed. Well, at least she had her work cut out for her.

* * *

The entire afternoon, Raito and L were pouting [even though they would say otherwise], and occasionally arguing with Watari that they didn't need to see a psychiatrist. When they realized that resistance was futile, a stony silence ensued. Until..

"RAITO-CHAN!"

Oh please no, it can't be.

"Hey Rai-chan, why are you wearing that ridiculous hat?"

Raito buried his face in his hands, hoping if he just ignored the problem it would just go away. He peeked between his fingers, saw the said problem had not disappeared instead was staring at his hat in morbid fascination, and groaned. "Why would you do this to me L?"

L smirked, "I had in my hands the means and in my heart, the will."

Light stared at him with an obvious 'what the fuck are you talking about?'

L sighed, "You didn't search me for a phone."

Raito face-palmed. _His cell phone!_

"But seriously L, my _sister?!_"

"That's mean onii-chan." Sayu had tears running down her cheeks. Raito sighed and reached out to comfort her when she saw the glint of the chain connecting the two boys. Her eyes brightened and the tears 'mysteriously' stopped. Raito blinked and withdrew his hand. Damn it, crocodile tears.

"Ooh! What's this onii-chan?! I didn't know you swung that way! Well.. Yes I did but kink! Kink!" She practically squealed before turning to L. "L-chan how big are you, you didn't hurt my brother have you?"

Just _how _she could say such perverted things with such an innocent face will be a secret the world will never know.

"Hey, why do you think that _he's _seme?!"

Sayu scoffed, "Well he's more manly than you onii-chan."

L blinked and ate a gummy bear. "It's true Raito-kun."

"WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HE'S LIKE A LITTLE KID, HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SURVIVE TWO SECONDS WITHOUT SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM!"

Sayu completely unfazed, ticked down her list, "L doesn't care what he wears, eats whatever he wants, doesn't screech in people's ears, is the number one detective in the world.. along with you so I guess that doesn't count, but he has uber cool hair."

L cocked his head owlishly, "Uber cool hair?"

"Yes L-chan! You have the most awesome hair ever! Raito has to -and does- stand in front of the mirror for an _hour _just to do his hair. But your's has that super flippy -slash- spiky thing going for you." She leaned in conspiratorially and stage-whispered, "Rai-chan takes more time to get ready in the morning than a girl."

"I know Sayu-chan," and jingling the chain, he whispered back, "I have the pleasure of being chained to him. I must go through 'Raito's What Should I Wear Today' game every single day."

Sayu clapped her hands in glee, "I feel so bad for you L-chan! When he lived at home, he wouldn't let me in the bathroom in the morning! Anyways… do you two shower together?"

The weight of the two detectives' stares bore down on her; one slightly amused and the other, completely outraged.

"SAYU!"

She hid a smirk behind a cookie, which she had stolen from the dessert cart Watari was wheeling in, mind you, and ignoring L's mildly annoyed look said smugly, "I'll take that as a yes."

"Sayu-chan would be correct in assuming that we are forced to shower together." L pouted, silently mourning the loss of a cookie, "Watari will not allow us to take off the chain, even for privacy matters. He is absolutely set upon us getting along though I'm not sure why a chain is completely necessary."

She completely ignored L's statement that _Watari _had chained them together and L shrugged it off. Simply because she was a Yagami; and he knew from past experiences, Yagamis believed what they wanted. "Ooo. But what's with onii-chan's hat? Is it some sort of weird role-play?"

L was just about to answer the eager girl when an unidentified flying object flew from across the room and hit her square on the forehead. Across the room meaning from Raito's hand, of course.

"Ow, onii-chan! What?! I just asked about the hat!"

"Sayu-chan you really shouldn't talk about the hat." L eyed Raito who didn't look too stable at the moment.

"Why? I think it suits onii-chan very well! All pink and-"

This is how Sayu came to be the second person, in just 24 hours, to be hit by a blunt object by a very pissed off Raito. Repeatedly.

And both times, ironically enough, started with the hat perched on Raito's pretty little head.

* * *

At Whammy's rambunctious laughter was heard, and largely ignored.

'Looks like our 24 hour glue worked a little too well,' mused a certain red-headed gamer after scanning through an e-mail.

"Well better get ready." he said to no one. He got up, stretched and lit up a new cigarette. He started shoving random articles of clothing, a pack of his good cigarettes, and game consoles into a backpack. He was just about finished when a flash of yellow and black flew into the room and flung itself, face first, onto his bed.

"Hey Matty, what're you doing?" The voice was muffled but Matt had been around the blonde long enough to understand him. God bless his angelic soul.. and cigarettes.

"_We _are going to Japan."

Mello immediately looked up and propped himself on his elbows. "Alright! He contacted you already? That was fucking fast even for him." He waved a chocolate bar in the air before taking a bite. "Bet he wasn't too bloody pleased with the glue?"

The gamer grinned. "C'mon Mells, this is Golden Boy you're talking 'bout. 'Course he was pissed!"

"Ahh, the classic 'glue an ugly hat on someone's head' never gets old." Mello grinned evilly.

"Dude, last time wasn't funny."

"Aww, you're just sore because it was _you_!"

"Do you know how ugly Roger's hats are?!"

"I know I still have pictures!" Mello collapsed into giggles and proceeded to roll around on the bed before promptly falling off in a rather awkward (painful-looking) way.

Clutching his knee, the blonde cried, "Ouch! Matty! I got a boo-boo."

Ignoring his friend's wails, Matt shuffled out of the room, backpack in hand. "Bloody sugar-high. Really ought to hide some of his god damned chocolate."

As he strolled down the halls of Whammy's, he mumbled, "Now, if I was a little albino boy with a toy fetish, where would I be?" The goggled-boy grinned and headed for the playroom.

* * *

I bet everyone is pretty much wishing for me to get rid of the hat, ne? It shall be gone next chapter!

I'm sorry, it's a bit rushed. I had no time for writing, ya'll know all the usual excuses; school and homework, blahblahblah. I just had this sitting on my laptop, mocking me so I just shipped it off. At least now you know who L was talking to? Please don't kill me.

I'll try to update soon. But reviews make me update faster! Just saying.. This is not subliminal messaging. And no that was not reverse psychology! LOL. -flashes peace sign-

-Akari C:


End file.
